Saturday

Sunday Snippet

Welcome. For those of you who are Canadian, like me, Happy Thanksgiving. May we be truly thankful for everything we have, big and small.

Onto my snippet from my WIP ~ Man of Her Dreams.

Lindsay overheard a conversation and knows that Jared read a page from her notebook. The page that had a detailed list of the perfect man. The list had been created after one too many bad dates, and one too many glasses of wine shared with her BFF. The two of them decided they needed to write down what Lindsay was looking for in her ideal man.

Embarrassed, furious, hurt, (did I mention furious?), she's now trying to avoid him and he's trying to figure out why she's giving him the cold shoulder. **this had been modified to fit the 10 line limit

"Will you look at the time?" She glanced down at her bare wrist. By this time she'd reached her truck and hopped into the driver's seat. She closed the door and fumbled with her keys.
"What's the rush?" He placed both hands on the roof of the truck and leaned in through the open window into her space. He thought he heard her cuss as she shoved the key into the ignition, put the truck into gear and finally looked at him.
"The notebook you found was hers."
He had no choice, other than hanging on the side of the truck like a love sick fool, but to stand aside and watch as she backed up, gunned the motor and sped down the normally quiet street.
About to walk back to his house he stopped and swiveled to face the now deserted street, his eyes narrowing as he muttered, "How did she know I found the notebook?

You can find other snippets on the Facebook Group: Snippet Sunday

Gobble Gobble
 

12 comments:

  1. I'm either missing something or am very tired (quite possibly the latter) but I'm confused.

    "The notebook you found was hers."
    Hers who? I thought the notebook was Lindsey and that Lindsey was the "she" in the snippet?

    Love the last line, though!

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    1. That's the thing about snippets - clues to the dialogue are all around the selection. Lindsay told Jared she'd received a call from her Aunt Grace (big fat fib) and so the 'her' was Grace.

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  2. How did she know? Yeah, isn't that a darned good question? Nice way to set a hook, Sue. :-) It's all very visual--easy to see as I read it.

    One thing jumped out at me--probably because myself doing it too when I write. Here: "...but she finally shoved the key into the ignition, put the truck into gear and finally looked at him." I'd probably drop one "finally". It sort of trips up the reading flow by having two of them so close together. Maybe it's just me, though. :-)

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    1. *head desk* You are so right! Granted this was a condensed snippet to get the gist across, but I should have caught that. Finally!

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    2. Edited. Thanks, Teresa

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  3. Yeah the "hers" part confused me, too, but at least she told him how she feels and why. Good snippet, Sue. :)

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  4. Lots of complications ahead, I'm sure, dramatic snippet indeed!

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    1. This is the 'black' moment that tears our lovers apart.. Downhill from here, I'm afraid.... or is it.....?

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  5. That's a good question. How did she know?

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  6. He has a very good question! Can't wait to see what the answer is.

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  7. I like the device of checking the time on a bare wrist. I've done that myself. Nice snippet!

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  8. Buuuusted. I wonder how she has figured it out then if he wasn't caught red-handed with it. Did he put it back in its place wrong? Or hint to something that gave it away. Love the bit about the bare wrist, too.

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