I have invited Emma Woodhouse to host our Newlywed Game, 1812 Style, and without further ado, I turn the stage over to Emma…
Good morning ladies and gentleman, this is Emma Woodhouse, and I am back here at the Theatre-Royal, Covent Garden to play another round of the Newlywed Game. Today I have Lady Nathaniel Kerr, née Caroline Bingley, here with her new husband, Lord Nathaniel Kerr. Please join me in welcoming them to The Newlywed Game. (Crowd applauses)
Thank you for joining us. We all know the Ton is curious to meet this new couple and share in their happiness. I’ll begin our game with some easier questions...
What is your spouse’s favorite meal?
Caroline: Lord Nathan loves a good roast beef with Yorkshire pudding.
Nathan: That question was too easy, I told her that myself. My wife loves…hmmm… let me think about this. She's very fond of fresh lake trout, with a hint of lemon and new potatoes.
Caroline: That’s true. Very good.
What do you think is the best thing your spouse loves about you?
Nathan: My eyes. I think.
Caroline: No, your compassion, how you care for those around you.
Caroline: My hair. He’s been fascinated by it from the first time he saw me.
Nathan: Not true. I was captivated by the color of your hair, but when you played the pianoforte my soul was transported to another plane. I love the way you make me feel through music.
Caroline: If you think I’m going to tell you that, you are a very silly interviewer, Miss Woodhouse.
Nathan: Really? Now I am intrigued. What could you have bought that I was not aware of?
Caroline: You won’t know until your birthday, two days hence.
Nathan: She wears a pomander on her wrist and I love the scent. I’m reminded of her every time I smell rosewater.
Caroline: How interesting, I thought you liked the golden gown I wore at Darcy’s ball. You couldn’t keep your eyes off me that night. If you recall, you said you looked for me in the crowd.
Nathan: It wasn’t the gown, but what lay beneath. (in a low voice only his wife could hear)
Caroline: (slight gasp)
Caroline: Imposing and dictatorial. He vexed me greatly.
Nathan: I think I fell in love with her the first time I saw her here, at the Theater Royal. She stood out in the crowd like a fiery siren.
How many pairs of shoes does your wife own?
Nathan: Too many to count. (laughing) I think she has a pair for every hour of the day.
Caroline: That’s unfair. (taps him on the arm with her fan) I do not have that many, but I will own to at least twenty pair.
Caroline: Exaggerating how many shoes I have.
Nathan: My love, (taking her hand in his and kissing the back of it), I would buy you every shoe in the kingdom if it made you happy.
Nathan: I don’t believe she has a pet name for me.
Caroline: That’s what you think, Lord Little Brat
Nathan: Ah… but you stole that from my brother Lord Pompous Head
Nathan: I first acknowledged it to myself after I accused her of compromising at least two different gentlemen at the ball.
(the crowd gasps)
Caroline: I was mucking out a stall and thought of you the whole time. (laughs gaily at his shocked look) Oh, my love, I fell in love with you when you allowed me to argue with you. You had no fear of my opinion.
(laughter ripples throughout the theater)
Nathan: I did
Caroline: He did, (said on a sigh), and we almost fought over that too.
Nathan: I asked her to marry me and when she said yes, I asked permission to kiss her.
Caroline: No, it was at the ball. Don’t you remember the music room?
Nathan: We didn’t kiss then.
Caroline: Really, (arching an elegant brow), then whose lips brushed mine that night? The scoundrel looked very much like you.
Nathan: My dear, if I had truly kissed you that night, you’d have been left in no doubt. (lowers his head and levels a telling gaze upon her mouth)
Caroline: Oh. (a becoming blush rises up to her face, she flicks open her fan and cools herself down, the lovely pomander swinging with each pass)
Caroline: three (both said together)
Caroline: (turning to face him, a shocked look on her face) Do you really want ten?
Nathan: (laughing) No, I wanted to see what you would do.
Caroline: Oh, you really are a scoundrel!
I believe this would be a good place to end our game, as I think you’ve given us lots to gossip, pardon me, I mean, know about both of you. I wish you nothing but joy in your new marriage and I look forward to seeing you again. Maybe at the ball Mr. Churchill and I are planning for next month.
Thank you so much for participating. Next month I shall be interviewing a well-known Lady's man and the woman who caught his heart. Watch for flyers which shall be delivered to your door.
Let's show Lord Nathan and Lady Nathan our appreciation and give them a round of applause. Refreshments are being served on the second level.